January 25th, 2012 by J

Why is it the end of an era? Well perhaps I should start at the beginning.

I have been thinking a lot the last week about a legacy. What it means, what it is and what resonates through time.

For me a legacy is not about what physical mark you make on the world it is about whom you are and the way you affect people through your life. Let me give you an example:

On the 31st November 1919 in a small mining village in Wales a little girl was born to a loving mother (housewife) and father (Miner), she also had a sister and a brother making up the small family. Not an easy life but a decent one.

Forward a few years and the young girl has grown and matured into a young woman in 1930s London working as a PA. A few more years forward and she is now set to be married to a man approved of by her parents and Britain is on the brink of war.

Forward again, Britain is at war, husband to be is off abroad and the woman has fallen deeply in love with another man. A scandal! Thankfully the mans parents are more liberal than most and despite the protestations of her family the woman stays with her love.

Jump forward to the 1950’s, a flat in Wandsworth London, the woman and her husband have a child, a little girl of there own. Life has changed and family ties have been rebuilt. Wife and husband will spend nearly 50 years in this flat, they will see London change around them, people come and go, and life long friends are made. Their child will grow, marry and have a child of her own.

For the next 50 years the woman will be a wife, mother, grandmother and great grand mother. She will have a career spanning 30 years, she will learn and teach the piano, she and her husband will travel to France, Italy, Spain, Germany, Turkey and she will even go by herself to Belfast in the 1990s. She will never learn to drive, She will walk every where, Make her own bread, Sing with her choir, She will loose her brother, her sister and her parents.

Most of all she will live and breathe every moment.

When time starts to take its toll on her husband she will nurse him for 2 years with no complaints until he passes on.

At this point a new chapter will open in her life, while scary she embraces.

Forward to 31^st November 2009, the woman is 90. She now lives in a Small Village in Cornwall; she still walks 3 miles every day with her dog. Life is simpler now but no less active.

The woman still sings with a local choir, still goes the theatre with her new friends, and still goes for Sunday lunch at a local pub.

Forward to 31^st November 2010.

At 91 she has been told by doctors that due to angina she really needs to stop the daily walk, but on her 91st with her family around her she still walks herself into her Birthday lunch.

Time has taken its toll on her appearance but not her mind.

Forward to 31^st November 2011.

At 92 the woman is sharp as a nail as she gives her Great-granddaughter advice on her piano playing, and talks to her Grandson about the entire goings on in the village. She is tired but a fighter.

On the 15^th January 2012 her grandson will visit her in a nursing home where she has been for 3 days. They chat for an hour about all that is going on in life until she says she is tired and he leaves her to rest.

In the early hours of Tuesday 17^th January 2012 Iris finally succumbed to the tiredness that had been nagging her for the last two months and rest for ever more.

Iris was my Grandmother.

I and the generations that follow me through history are her legacy.

Rest easy now we will take it from here……

January 18th, 2012 by J

Real Life Cybersex

Found this on one of my trawls and thought it was brilliant.

Wellhung: Hello,
Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I’m toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I’m 6′3″ and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner – it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom. There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I’m gulping. I’m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I’m sorry.
Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat!
Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I’m wiping your spit off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a *plop*.
Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your … umm … wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What’s the matter?
Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I’m on the bed, aching for you.
Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark. I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom.
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I’m tuggin off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Wellhung: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately – our naked bodies pressing against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don’t you take off you glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?
Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my … you know … thing … in your … you know … woman’s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I’m flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet, nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

January 8th, 2012 by J

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: “Nescafe”!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: “Good till the last drop”.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Rothmans”
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the pack: “Extra Long. King Size”
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words “South African Airways”
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.
The ad said: “Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”

Mom fainted!

January 6th, 2012 by J

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls It is time to unite, It is time to stand against the stigma. For too long we have huddled in the shadows only to be snoot-ed at by the supposed Epicurean experts. It is time to rise up and Shout “I DONT CARE”.

What am i talking about i am talking about Tomato Sauce.

I Like tomato sauce! Yes it does go with Cheese on toast, It does go with Pastys it is a sauce! Just because it comes in a bottle and not in a dainty boat, bowel, ramekin or pot does not make it any less of a sauce.

If i asked for mint, mustard, barbecue, teriyaki or soy  would i be frowned at in that look down your nose way NO! but ask for Tomato sauce and you are deemed a lesser human.

VIVA LA TOMATO SAUCE.

And this goes for brown sauce on bacon sarnies too…

November 13th, 2011 by J

November 12th, 2011 by J

Here we go another quick geek round up for all you tech starved wanderers out there.

For a starter we have a new line of computers that we will all be wearing by 2020 from Sony

Some Shake and Wake batteries.

A lovely concept laptop.

For Main course we could drool over workstations for every geek out there.

you could buy a slightly pricey Mac.

How about a little web design cynicism instead.

A little client web design relationship adjustment.

For desert you should always ask your date her opinion.

Fruit is a possible choice.

How about some stinky cheese.

OR something a little more solid.

Enjoy.

November 9th, 2011 by J

And maybe one day we will learn from their sacrifice.

November 8th, 2011 by J

OK so at what point did i start getting older?

A bizarre question given the nature of things and the fact the we are all getting older from the moment we are born, But at what point did i start feeling older?

Now i know that there are the smattering of answers out there but i have suddenly notice that a lot of the techs coming in with Companies seem to be getting younger. Now there is a select group of people amongst my friends (the ones that i allow to get away with it) who have always considered me to be a bit of an oldie since i was 14 (ho hum it enabled me and V to buy my first house at 21 and set myself up for the future so screw it) but the question is at what point did i start perceiving people as younger.

There seems to be a strange barrier that you cross through from an age where you see “everyone older as older than you and everyone younger the same age” to seeing “everyone older than you as the same age and younger as younger”. If that makes any sense?
It is a very strange feeling suddenly working with people of 19 – 30 and seeing them as younger than you. Conversations take on a very strange lilt and a vague realisation that the person you are talking to has no idea what film your going on about or what band your discussing.

Now OK i am very well aware that this is something that happens to every generation, I am also very well aware that this is nothing new blah blah etc. But i don’t care i am just puzzled as to when it happened to me!

Now despite what certain people may think V and I have never really had a plan in life, most of the decisions we have made in our time together have been left to fate to decide and for the most part it has worked out pretty well House, jobs, Children etc. We don’t have a 5yr plan, we don’t have career plans (in fact neither of us really know what we want to do when we grow up) and in fact most of those ideals scare the shit out of me.
We do have however a calm in life, For the most part i put a lot of this down to our past. V and I have been through a lot over the years and some of it pretty shitty but we have always held on to what we know and that is nothing!

Where am i going with this i hear you start to cry, well it is simple, At what age did the world flip. At what point did i cross that barrier from J to Mr because it seems to me it just started happening and no one pointed this out to me. Personally i haven’t noticed any difference but it seems the world has, also having a child definitely hasn’t helped as to her anyone older than 16 is OLD!.
What prompted this stream of consciousness is that yesterday i received an email with a CV attached, “Dear Mr…..” Woahhh at what point did people start sending me CVs especially with emails entitled “Dear Mr….” It wasn’t that long ago that i was the one sending CVs to people. I had to take a minute to decide how to handle this as it caught me quite unawares. I replied in the normal manner “thanks for your CV blah blah blah” but it did get me thinking.

The only answer i can come up with is that there isn’t a point it is just a slow quite alteration of perception right up to a point where nature slaps you in the face and runs away chortling. I suspect that in the years to come i will have more perceptual changes and nature will play it’s time induced version of “knock down ginger” but i think i will choose the higher path.

I will take the Moral high ground.

Be the bigger person.

And stick my fingers in my ears and say “LA LA LA I’m not listening….”

October 1st, 2011 by J

Ok so here we go my top 20 films of the 90’s and believe me this was not an easy choice as there were some great films.

Ones that just missed the cut were by the slimmest of margins so much so i almost made this a top 50. Once again these are my personal favourites not because they are necessarily the best cinematic-ally, best actors or most well known. They all have something i love that draws me back to them.

First some honorable mentions to those who didn’t make the list – Wayne’s World (1992), Casino (1995), Empire Records (1995), Event Horizon (1997), Falling Down (1993), The Fifth Element (1997), Hackers (1995), Point Break (1991), Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) and Pulp Fiction (1994).
Are you sitting comfortably, then Let us begin.

#20 – The 13th Warrior (1999) – Not a great work of cinematic art but a good film with one of the best “overcoming the language barriers i have ever seen in a film.

#19- The Commitments (1991) – Great music, bizarre story.

#18- Dazed and Confused (1993) – Drink, Drugs and coming of age, a great concoction

#17- Saving Private Ryan (1998) – A dubious #18 as the first 20 mins is great and then fluctuates but watchable non the less.

#16- Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999) – I don’t care what anyone says i love Forest Whittaker in this film.

#15 – Philadelphia (1993) – An odd choice i know considering some of the films in this list but i loved it.

#14- Goodfellas (1990) – A great wise guy movie.

#13- Joe’s Apartment (1996) – a very tongue in cheek comedy starring Jerry o’Connell and Megan Ward being upstaged by cockroach’s

#12- Tremors (1990) – If you haven’t seen or don’t know what this films is about then there is no hope for you

#11- The Silence of the Lambs (1991) – The second in Thomas Harris’s four books.

#10- Army of Darkness (1993) – The third in the Evil Dead trilogy and by far the best taking a run of the mill horror film collection into a totally bizarre direction.

#9- Dead Presidents (1995) – I don’t blame you if you missed this movie by the Hughes brothers but you should see it.

#8- As Good as It Gets (1997) – Ok Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt…….I know that’s the noise i made when i read the box but this actually is a fantastic film.

#7 – Reservoir Dogs (1992) – You know you have that tune in your head right now.

#6- Clerks (1994) – Kevin Smiths brilliant low budget movie following the lives of 2 dysfunctional store clerks.

#5- El Mariachi (1993) – This movie was Robert Rodriguez’s awakener and showed him to the world he followed up with two “sequels” Desperado and Once upon a time in Mexico but El Mariachi was the best.

#4- Pushing Tin (1999) – John Cusack and Billie Bob Thornton play two air traffic controllers who develop a feud.

#3- Dark City (1998) – How can i explain this film…..I can i am going to leave it up to IMDb.

#2- The Green Mile (1999) – A wonderful and harrowing movie from the pen of Stephen king.

And now for number one on my list and this was very hard as the top 6 in this list spent quite a while going up and down in position.

#1- Dogma (1999) – Kevin Smiths film about a women with a special heritage trying to prevent two angels (Loki – Matt Damon, Bartleby – Ben Affleck) From reentering heaven and destroying the universe. Jay and Silent bob make there customary appearance as two prophets and With appearances from Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, Alan Rickman and Alanis Morissette this is a great comedy and well worth having in your collection.

Well that’s the lot allow the debate to start.

September 23rd, 2011 by J

*In order to help others who might also have this issue please feel free to share this or drop me a comment with other answers that have worked for you and I shall add to the list, might save someone a few hours searching*

Ok so the last few days I have had an issue with my HTC Desire S. Every time I try to download anything from the Google market my phone starts the download and then freezes solid.

The only way to break this is to take the battery out, replace it, turn the phone back on and as it is booting hit the download and cancel it at the market before it freezes again.

As you can understand not an exact science and rather annoying. The upshot is that I have been unable to download or update anything, so as is normal in these cases I turned to the Internet.
It seems this is not a new issue as the first info I found about this started in 2010 and is 17 pages long. It seems to appear on different handsets proving that it is a Google issue not a handset/carrier issue and generally revolves around google wanting to move everyone to @gmail. In true Google style (and one of my few concerns when I gave up my trusty treo for Android) they have basically ignored it.

However users have stuck with it and come up with answers. In an attempt to avoid a factory reset I tried most of these before hitting on one that worked.

Below is a list of possible thing to do to get you downloading again.

The one that worked for me:

Phone: HTC Desire S
Network: Orange (uk)
Version: 2.3.3

1. Set Airplane mode on
2. Perform all cache clearing below:
>> settings->(applications on desire s then) “manage applications”  then scroll down to,
>> “Checkin Service”          then select  “clear data”     (Not on Desire S)
>> “Download Manager”   then select “clear data”
>> “Google Apps”                then “clear data”                  (Not on Desire S)
>> “Google Talk Service”  then select “clear data”    (Called Talk on Desire S)
>> ” Market”                         then select “clear cache”
3. Power off/on phone
4. Switch off Airplane mode
5, try your download again.

Other possable answers:

1. A) settings / manage applications / market and select uninstall updates. (Not available in Desire S)

2. A) I also have an HTC Desire and found that if I turned off Talk it worked.

3. A) >> log on to your google account on a computer
>>click on Manage Account
>>On personal settings click on Change Password4
>>Change the password
>>Now restart your phone (no need for me even!)
>>Try connecting to google mail it then tells you that you cannot login and you have to edit the account. there you can then use gmail instead of googlemail.

4. A) Change the googlemail.com account to a gmail.com account.

5. A) >>Connected my Desire to the computer and mounted it as diskdrive; the SD card is now not readable for the Desire itself
>>Went to Settings > Applications > Manage Applications > All, clicked on the Market app and pressed the Clear Data, Clear Cache and Force Stop buttons
>> Opened the Market app
>>Had fun browsing and downloading apps until I disconnected the USB cable from the computer and make the SD card readable for the phone again

6. A)  Turn on 3G (my unit is HTC Desire, check the tick box near Wireless network. You should see the 3G icon near your signal bar
>>Go to Talk, this should now be able to login
>>Turn off 3G. You will notice your previous downloads will resume automatically
>>Turn on wifi, and the download will continue.

7. A) Shut down the phone –> take out the battery –> wait 20 sec –> put in the battery –> start the phone.

8. A) Change back to googlemail if you have recently changed to gmail and vice versa

9. A) I found a gmail help page ‘Google Mail is becoming Gmail in the UK’ and there they say:

10. A) I created a brand new Gmail account just to use with my phone, Hard reset my phone, Registered the new account on the phone.

11. A)
>> log on to your google account on a computer
>> click on Manage Account
>> On personal settings click on Change Password
>> Change the password
>> Now restart your phone
>> Try connecting to google mail it then tells you that you cannot login and you have to edit the account. there you can then use gmail instead of googlemail.

12. A) Factory reset:
>> Log into Google Mail on the web and change your email address to @gmail
>> Do a factory reset on your phone
>>When inputting your google mail account settings on the phone, use the new, @gmail address
Android users: If you use an Android device and change your address, the following apps may not connect properly: Google Talk and Android Market. The current solution for this is to change back to @googlemail.com, or do a full reset of your Android device and use @gmail.com. We are working on resolving this issue as soon as possible.

Websites that may help you find ideas.

http://myhtcdesire.com/tag/gmail

http://androidforums.com/

Android market help forum

Good luck.