Films, what i have been watching....
A brief review of films i have been watching latley.

The Simpsons Movie.

If you like the Simpson's you will like the movie, It's a very long episode.
Plot: The town is too polluted for the rest of the world, government puts a big dome over the top, Homer is blamed, government gonna blow it up, Homer saves the day.
Score: 5/10

Alexander

This, surprisingly, I quite liked. It is very well shot and they seemed to have kept to there history rather well there are lots of very bloody battles and fights, lots of shouting and it was a rather good watch. Also they have taken there time (160 mins) rather than butchering it done for the US market to there usual 90-120 mins.
Plot: Pick up a history book and find out.
Score: 8/10

Tristan & Isolde

Ahhhh Butcher a classic day is back in the office at FOX then. I can just see the meeting---
"I have had this script through and it looks great, it's a British legend set in the 12 century"
"Does it have explosions it it and people saying fuck"
"No!"
"Oh! We had better re-write it then"
Plot: Don't bother me! read this instead you will like it more. I'm being a little harsh but if you would like to know the story visit here for a little more romantic tale.
Score: 3/10
Score as just a film: 5/10

Slither

A Top Top film, Full of silliness and people running around screaming with squidgy squggey things stuck to them.
Plot: Meteorite lands, Aliens try to take over small town America.
Score: 9/10
- posted by J @ 18:27

 
On the road again......almost
Ok new car has been ordered.

We have gone for a Volvo V50 sport r-design, Stop your groaning in the back.

Why have we gone for a Volvo i hear you ask, Well it is simple Space, safety and price.
Volvo have a consistency about them that i like and i have a small child so safety and space are very high on the list of things needed.

Besides i like it, it is comfy and nice to drive, but we shall see over time. One big draw back with it is that we don't get it till August, so the dreams on a car with air con for the summer have dwindled.

Will let you know more when it arrives.
- posted by J @ 18:07

 
Life.
Right well my plan to post more hasn't gone entirely to plan has it?

Basically so much has been going on that this is the first free minute i have had to even think about posting. Rather than loads of info i think i am going to split it.

Life:

Well after a mad few months things are settling down a little and beginning to make sense again. I think the low points of the last few months have revolved around a bout of chicken pox and a sick cat. The chicken pox passed and poppy is all better, thankfully with no lasting scaring due to massive coverage of calamine lotion and the constant ring of "don't scratch".
The cat however did not fair so well and after a weekend of being on a drip and eating very little for the week he finally had to be put down as the general consensus was that he was not going to recover, Very sad.

Unfortunately this has had a little bit of a knock on effect as the cat cost us the better part of £800 (must get Insurance, Insurance, Insurance), Money earmarked for our new sofa.Never mind we still have the old one? No It just sold on eBay, Arse!
So time to resurrect the old chesterfield from the bedroom and some creative use of chairs.

On the up side with the beautiful weather we have been having the last few days i have been able to get out in the garden and do the post winter tidy. Also with the discovery that one of our flower beds used to be a pond i finally have a place to build a permanent paddling pool for poppy. So i have spent a week digging out and shoring up and it is finally ready to be cemented.

However digging out a large quantity of earth did mean that it had to be dumped somewhere, so i now have the worlds largest cat litter tray at the end of my garden.

All in all though life has not been terrible the last few months just very very busy. Work has been the biggest shitter though. More on that another time.
- posted by J @ 09:02

 
Mad.
This was a great favourite of mine growing up.
- posted by J @ 09:00

 
An oldie but a goodie
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.
'There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what 's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Walmart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!


Thank you for shopping @ Walmart.
- posted by J @ 22:55

 
How true. ;)

- posted by J @ 23:09

 
I Think a new phone is in order.
This looks like a good one.
- posted by J @ 19:54