Caption comp
And the winner is.....

Rob with "Following the wireless world of mobiles and wifi to it's logical conclusion..."

Well done matey 500 points are yours, will put them up soon.

More caption fun tomorrow.
- posted by J @ 22:32

 
what a lot
phew I have had a busy few days!
Friday we were all at my grans and we went out for a lovely wander around Morden hall gardens and sat on the grass in the rose garden and then in the evening I took my gran to see Romeo and Juliet, danced by the English national ballet at the Royal Albert hall. It was stunning,I forgot how beautiful ballet can be.
The show was in the round and the set minimal which meant that you were focused primarily on the dancers. Erina Takahashi was fantastic as Juliet and was and incredibly smooth and gracefull dancer, Vladislav Bubnov as Romeo was amazing and I would say as good Nureyev in some
respects. A huge chorus line, fantastic costumes, excellently performed music and very expressive dancing made for a wonderful evening.
Saturday was home time and back to reality. Sunday was spent preparing for the surveyors visit on Monday and up till today I have been back at work babysitting the theatre school fit up (which is all ways fun).
That's the lot I think, oh I will be deciding on the winner of the caption comp tonight and posting the winner tomorrow and a new comp on Friday.
- posted by J @ 22:44

 
HMMM
Strange things are a foot at world of soil.
- posted by J @ 22:58

 
Postcards from the edge
Weather is fine, food is good and that's a bloodey long drop.
- posted by J @ 20:28

 
More tails from the road
Well the weather has been lovley and has been taken advantage of, vic got dragged off shopping by my stepmum and poppy had her first play in a paddling pool.
Like every trip to see family I have to now sort out my dads comp as he is a complete
technophobe. I have come to the conclusion that parents and computers don't mix or they should
have to take a course before useing one, as they manage to break the things as quick as I can fix
them.
As a side note does anyone know where I can get a decent cheap laptop (for my mum) does not
need to be anything fancy. Any ideas on websites?
Well off to see bros new house and go see my other bros karate match, will post more tomorrow.
- posted by J @ 22:01

 
Tales from the road
okay this is the first one from on the road, it is quite an odd feeling blogging from a mobile, also
without a spell checker.
We were late leaving and so late arriving with lots of roadworks in between.
Other than that there is not much to report. We did however see a house on a lorry! will post pic
when I return.
- posted by J @ 17:55

 
Mobile blogging.
Im off to see more family tomorrow but while im away i shall be trying to post from my mobile phone so this is a little warning to expect some odd posts.

But we shall see how it goes.
- posted by J @ 18:13

 
Caption comp
Here we go all another one for you:

500 Points to the winner. This one will be up till saturday.




Good luck.
- posted by J @ 18:07

 
Real Life Cybersex

Found this on one of my trawls and thought it was brilliant.

Wellhung: Hello,
Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your spit off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a *plop*.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed, aching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom.
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Wellhung: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off you glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

- posted by J @ 13:02

 
MEMEMEMEMEMEME.
I completely forgot that rob tagged me with this one, but better late than never.

Total number of films I own on DVD/video:

DVD about 100, video about 250.

The last film I bought:

Tank girl.

The last film I watched:

I decided to make myself sit through Battlefield earth the other night, Wont be doing that again.

Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

Ok here we go.

Series 7 - A fantastic idea for a film and very well put together I must have watched this film a dozen times.
apocalypse now - One of my all time top 5 films of all time. There is very little I can say apart from, it just is. A bit of trivia for you - Marlon brando was not going to appear in this film but consented after agreeing to be shot mostly in the dark.
The Italian job - A classic, all ways gives me images of Christmas as a kid.
Bad taste - The best B movie ever
This is spinal tap - Ahhh classic.

Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal/blog:

err not sure everyone seems to have done it.

maybe
Victor - because I know he will love me for it.
Markiss
And
Charles

- posted by J @ 12:38

 
Rant o matic
BEWARE THIS POST AINT PRETTY.

Ok Shopping first.

It's not hard to be aware of your surroundings When leaving the supermarket and stepping out through the automatic doors, DON'T STOP. Move to one side So as not to make the people coming out after you with trolleys and shopping squeeze through a tiny gap, Get out of the way or more to the point get out of my way.

Cars:

It is illegal to use a mobile phone while driving. Let me reiterate this point IT IS ILLEGAL TO USE A MOBILE PHONE WHILE DRIVING YOU FUCKING MORON. Every one got that now? Good because there are a few of you out there who don't. Your call is not that important, believe me. You have an answer phone or a the cost of a few quid, a hands free kit, USE IT!

Your stereo, Do you Really believe that you look cool. YOU DON'T! If I wanted to listen to your music I would nick your car.

Ok this one really fucks me off.
If your child is not strapped into a car seat of using a seat belt and you have a crash at 30-60mph Your child WILL DIE.Do you get this simple fact, there head will explode against the windscreen like a melon, there brains will be spread out on the dash board. I'm sorry to be graphic but if it gets the point across, so be it. Having a child has really bought this home, even if your child is screaming blue murder there is no excuse for getting them out of there child seat. You are driving a metal box and stupid speeds, think about it.

Indicators are there for a reason use them.

Just because you drive a 4WD does not mean you can park it like one. The pavement is for pedestrians.

Bikes:

Get the fuck off the pavement.

Hippy mothers:

discipline is needed, Your little angel who is screaming around bugging the hell out everyone, trashing the place is not and angel and shouting at him/her is not going to hurt. Just saying "don't do that dear" and going back to your conversation on lentil burgers and hair shirts aint going to cut it. Wake up and start being an adult. The 60's are dead.

Chuggers:

For those of you who don't know a Chugger is a charity mugger, One of those people who stops you on the way somewhere and asks you if you can spare a little time. NO! I don't give my credit card details to anyone especially not someone on the street, I give to charity in my own way, I am not a miserable bastard who does not give to charity I am just a person who does not like to be hassled for money.

Phew now that lots off my chest I can move on.
- posted by J @ 09:15

 
A couple of adds for you.



- posted by J @ 18:05

 
Caption comp
It is an obvious winner of this one and it goes to Rob for:

"Mustapha felt that the guy at the dealership had grossly under estimated the horse power when he sold him the cart"

500 points for you matey.

I will post another one later and post the winner next week.
- posted by J @ 17:04

 
So much to say so little time
Well The weekend at my mums went ok.

traveled down to Cornwall on Friday, The 3hr journey took us 5 hours and poppy got heat stroke.
Friday night was eventful with the crying and screaming and finally culminating in me taking poppy for a drive a 5am just so she would get some sleep.
Saturday was fun as we went out on the yacht and even though poppy was a little moany she bore up well but come 5pm was knackerd and vic decided to stay in with her and try to get her down early, while I went out with my mum and step dad for dinner, upon my return at 10 poppy was still up having been sick and just falling asleep. After a fretful couple of hours I was out driving around with her at 4am (something we have never had to do) Which I did not mind to much as Cornwall is lovely at that time in the morning.
Sunday was a lot better with a lovely walk around Trelissick gardens and a lovely meal at my mums before heading back home.

Home again to face all the stuff we should have been doing, solicitors bumpf etc and trying to sort out stuff for going away on Saturday to see my gran and then my dad.
God family's annoy me but it all has to be done and at least it will be out of the way after next Thursday.
- posted by J @ 16:37

 
Caption comp
one for the weekend.

500 points for my fave.



- posted by J @ 22:28

 
Away.
Vic and I are off to the wilds of Cornwall tomorrow to see my mum so I am liable to be a little stressed upon my return. This means of course no posting for the weekend.

Oh, and vic and I have had our offer on the new house accepted, We cant afford it but what the hell its huge.

See you all after the weekend.
- posted by J @ 18:18

 
My world.
Well it has been a hectic week, lets start at the beginning.

Saturday was poppy's 1st birthday and we had a great day opened prezzies (which poppy ignored) and went out for a wander and lunch at the restaurant where vic used to work and the lovely guys and girls comped us. We had another viewing on the house which went really well and Mr Toss pot 4 doors along decided that we all wanted to hear his music, inside our houses with the windows closed over the TV.

Sunday was a lazy day with very little going on apart from spending a small fortune on a travel cot as we are having to do the family rounds this month. Also Mr T started up again so I called the environmental health.

On a side note, The environmental health deal with noise pollution and those sort of things but the law is pretty shit, The police have no power as it is a civil matter so you have to call the EH. The problem is that although they send out a letter advising the person to shut up to do any more the officers have to witness the nuisance, so when it starts up you have to call them and get them to come round (after three time of this they can go in and seize the equipment) the problem is that for the whole of Bristol there are 2, yes 2 officers. One for the day shift and one for the night shift. So getting them round is a little difficult.

Monday was pretty non eventful
Tuesday was viewing day and vic went off to look at houses while I stayed in and sorted the house as we had another viewing (The same woman who came on Saturday). We took the baby monitor down to the ground floor flat and listened in, naughty I know but we could not resist. It all sounded very promising.
and today was spent sorting for going away on Friday, We also got an offer on our flat which we have accepted and we have put an offer in on the house we looked at ages ago and really want, but we wont find out till tomorrow if that's been accepted.

And that's the week so far.
- posted by J @ 22:04

 
Caption comp.
Ok I have finally made a decision and the winner is:

Kelvin with "Cannibals were later banned from the Tour de France, after it was found that providing refreshments for them was considerably more difficult than just giving them a bottle of Evian."

Well done kelvin the points will be added shortly and there will be another comp next week.
- posted by J @ 21:53

 
RE-installed
Ok so I appear to be up and running again after a few hiccups and I have learnt so things about re-installing windows XP.

1. After formatting your hard drive and installing windows don't change your display settings to a setting your lovely tft monitor doesn't recognize because you get a black screen, which you cant change back, without re-formatting your hard drive and re-installing windows.
2. Windows only installs the drivers it feels are appropriate depending on it's mood, the weather and constalational alignment.
3. After spending 20mins swearing because you cant get the network to work try the driver disk for your motherboard which holds the drivers for the LAN socket.
4. Have a R.O.B (Really Obtainable Bloke) handy for troubleshooting and advice.
5. Listen to the advice and install Firefox (yes I have only just changed over but I am loving it already)
6. Suddenly remember all those things that you forgot to back up and have to trawl the internet, CD's etc looking for (acrobat reader, QuickTime, latest direct x that sort of thing).
7. Remember that you forgot how long it took to reinstall the shit (10 hrs in total) and promise never to install that much shit again.
8. Sit back and relax.
9. Then panic when you remember that you have a UT04 game tonight and franticly install the game, the patches and all the mods you will need to play.

Having said that I seem to be on top of things but we shall see.
- posted by J @ 17:43

 
Something for the weekend.
Ok there is a lot of different stuff in this post so here we go.

Caption comp:
my choice of the best caption will be made over the weekend and I will post on Monday.

Interview:
No one as yet has taken up the challenge to be interviewed by me, Which is probably a good thing as it means I will have to think up some questions. If you would like to be interviewed let me know.

News:
I could not believe this when I saw it, but I suppose it is entirely possible.

Live Aid 2:
Live 8 (as it is being called) starts on the 2nd July but as yet The Quo are not in the line up, this I feel is a little bit of let down purely for nostalgia sake as they opened the last one. So I think everyone should register there protest.

Windows:
Due to a nasty infestation I am going to be doing a re-install of windows next week so posting may become a little sporadic but hopefully it should only take me a couple of days to iron out all the issues.

Welcome:
To Mona, Sudantha and the complimentary commentor all of whom popped in to say hi.

AEC:
The amazing ebay challenge is over and I received 1 bid on my knobs of 1p and it looks like Dan was the winner with a bid of £1.20 for his card wallet. Well doneDann! I will have to start looking for my next item. You can view all the results over at Markiss place.

finallyy

A Little round up:
Markiss is sober again and back from his jaunt.
Lemur is full of MEME.
Kelvin is enjoying the fact that he has visitors.
Rob is trying to justify switching over to the dark side by buying extra Mac toys.
Victor is cursing my name for MEMEing him and showing off his Friday rats.
Nic is cursing victor for passing the MEME over and becoming the creepy coworker.
Charles is abstaining.
Leeann is dealing with new smells.
Dafyd is MEMEing.
Mrs mac is far to into desperate housewives.
Kel seems to have legged it again.
Mona is making me worry.
Sudantha is just.
and finally
the complimentary commentor is commenting.

there that should keep you all going.
- posted by J @ 21:41

 
Points mean prizes
Caption comp.

500 points to the commenter with the best caption for this pic.

click for a bigger pic.

- posted by J @ 13:36

 
Music meme.
Have taken the baton forcibly from Kelvin.

Total volume of music files on my computer:
14.2 gig which is rather scary as I have to do a complete re-install of windows shortly.

The last CD I bought was:
Anastasia - Anastasia

Song playing right now:
Err nothing but it will be Exile in cold harbor lane by Alabama 3

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

Streets of London by Ralph mctell - one of poppy's favs
luka by Suzanne Vega - easy evening listening
Mr bo jangles by Nina simone - cheers me up
Weak by skunk anasie - Just love it
Sweet child of mine by guns and roses - Got me through some bad times.

Five people to whom I'm passing the musical baton:

Well it would be rob but he has already done it so:
Leeann if she still visits me
Dafyd as he is new to me
Victor over at philbus and co
Charles if he still comes here
Mrs mac.

have fun.
- posted by J @ 13:13