Evolution.
Where do all the pens go, you fill up your pen pot with your lovely biro of choice and the next time you come to use one, there all gone. Well I have discovered an interesting fact, When I had a little tidy up the over day I discovered lighters, hoards of them, 22 in total.
22! It's silly, I mean I know I use lighters but I'm pretty sure I have not bought 22. So where are the bleeding things coming from.
Well I have come up with a theory and it goes like this:

Pens are made of plastic
One of plastics core items are defense etc.
So maybe some of the DNA survives the process and that means that your average ball point pen has a percentage of DNA in it ripe for evolving.
So it does.
Into a lighter.

Ok hang in there we are almost done. Why a lighter? I hear you ask well the theory on that is this:

All my pens are the clicky variety so they are almost there already, they contain a liquid which can be converted to gas, so it is just a case of finding a dark corner and letting nature take its course.

There are of course a million un-answered questions but like any good theory I shall let scientists with far greater minds than mine thrash out all the little details. But it also begs the question "What other household objects are evolving?"
- posted by J @ 22:04

 
AEC
Well with three says left to go there are still no bids on my knobs.

This is a little upsetting as I would have expected to make at least 5p by now.
- posted by J @ 17:30

 
Frog rage.
If I hear that bloody ring tone one more time I'm going to hit someone, If you don't know what I'm talking about GOOD (or where have you been and can I go there).

On a lighter note it is nice to see that spam emails are getting odder, I received this one the other day.

"Pcombine assumes been urlaction unless program initiate cases possible update hallauer cope. Tversions always disconnected communicate across specifying requires integrating wish inside binary step action viruses lock removes demonstrated level commands. Rbatch commence custom http various determining files edits points have unknown common basic mechanisms unblock while launches essential backup. Ereplace versions analysis unknown privilege four removed roadmaps exporting about password used shut navigate unknown.Sdescriptor minimal config same depends hard configured either typical secondary replicas applets area threat operate needed."

It seems to me that they have lost the point of advertising somewhere along the way. I also recived this one.



Nice layout, Colours an exact match, header bars etc all in the right place (same as the real site) of course I logged on immediately giving all my secure details.

Hang about though there is one small detail that is not quite correct about this email however (apart from the fact that the url it sends you to is totally different to the real HSBC site) and that is that I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH HSBC.

I do feel that if all the dum people who do fall for this rubbish had there computers taken away I would stop getting spam and would be a lot happier. Although it would stop me having something to laugh at.
- posted by J @ 18:43

 
Reasons for sporadic posting
OK after robs little dig about my lack of posting recently I thought I would give you the low down on what's been happening in my life.

1. I have been very busy at work doing mayfest mostly 11 hour days with a 1 day turn around for each show.
2. Covering in the main house for "The importance of being Ernest"
3. Getting the house on the market (went on just over a week ago)
4. Doing all those jobs I should have done before putting the house on the market. Painting the hallway, sorting stuff etc.
5. Trying to do a revamp on a clients site that is looks so dated it should have been done ages ago.
6. Trying to look for a new house.
7. Trying to juggle finances to buy the house we have found.
8. Looking for other houses in case house falls through.
9. Giving vic a break as poppy has been having really bad nights due to heat and illness.
10. Sorting out my last week at work before my summer lay off (starts tonight after get out, 3 whole months)
11. Sleeping.
12. Eating.

err think that's about it.

but having said all that I have been a little lax of late and can assure all my readers that normal service will be resumed shortly.
- posted by J @ 20:25

 
AEC
That's right the Amazing eBay challenge is now up and running, you can view all the entries over at Markiss's place or you can just go to eBay and bid on my wonderful knobs.

Good luck to all who have entered.
- posted by J @ 20:15

 
Soil prizes
Well I have not done one of these for a while, so.



Come on the rest of you get spending those points.
- posted by J @ 10:39

 
The Interview Game
Here is a little meme courtesy of Rob over at Xset.
The idea is that I gets interviewed and then have to interview the first 5 commentors to the original answers or something.

The Rules
1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me". The first five commentors will be the participants.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions.
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (Write your own questions or borrow some.)

Mine (from rob) are below, get commenting!

1. You find that you have possession of a very large empty warehouse in the middle of nowhere. What do you do with it?

Ping pong balls. Not really!
It would all depend on the money factor if money was no object then I would probably turn it into a party venue, put in some rooms, a bar, get a kick ass sound system inc small stage for bands, digital projector and computer setup (for movies/visuals), lighting (not the dogey disco stuff), pool table, A whacking great fire place for hog roasts and a roaring fire, huge glass panels in the roof for those summer nights, that sort of thing.
If money was a object then probably the same and rent it out.
or use it to grow cannabis

2. Anybody who reads your site will know what you do for a living. What's the best bit of being a theatre techy bod?

Being paid to do something I love. Seriously I love my job, I get to spend loads of time playing with really expensive bits of kit, I never have 2 days the same things are always different from day to day, I get to see loads of shows and meet interesting people and I get paid for it, what more could you ask for.

3. You are going on a mission into deepest darkest Cornwall. You are only allowed to take 3 things with you apart from your tent, food and water. What are they and why? (items only please no people)

ooh I love these, ok here goes. Strict first of all.
1. My multi tool: Because it has everything I would need on it for survival.
2. A Compass: Because, Well I wouldn't get lost.
3. Satellite phone: If you have ever tried to use a mobile in certain parts of Cornwall you will know why.
Not so strict.
1. My multi tool: as above.
2. My baccie tin: because it contains all the essentials. Baccy, Rizzlers, lighter, Bit of thin card (for use as roach or kindling).
3. A large bottle of jim bean: because then you wont need to worry about anything.

4. If you could relive a single day of your life, which one would you pick?

Hard question. The obvious answer would be the day poppy was born but I feel what I would probably have a heart attack through stress if I had to do that again. I think it would have to be the day after when I went back to the hospital in the morning to pick vic and poppy up. They were both asleep, vic on her side curled around poppy who was only a few hours old. They both looked so peaceful I just sat and watched them, I don't think I have been more at peace with myself.

5. Spit or Swallow?

Errrrr neither really if we are taking this as an innuendo. It really depends on what you are talking about. For instance:
Toothpaste: Spit.
Water: Swallow.
Fly flown in to open mouth: Spit.
Pizza: Swallow.
If we are however taking this as an innuendo then it would have to be about what I would like the other person to do, In which case I don't mind. It is really down to the individual, Spit makes more of a mess but I can understand the reasons behind not swallowing.

Ok there you go folks now it's your turn, Leave me a comment and I will sort out some questions.
- posted by J @ 22:58

 
Treo alarm review.
Why am I reviewing an app on my phone, Well for two reasons:
1. It is a bloody good app and has proven very useful to me.
and
2. It is a totally mercenary act to balg a free full copy.

So that said here goes.

Treo alarm is an incredibly useful app that allows you to set an alarm to switch your treo 600's wireless mode on or off, set general alarms and get weather reports (Screenshot).

Treo alarm's most useful function is its ability to switch on and off the wireless function on your phone. Due to the treo not having an off switch as such you can sometimes forget to turn your phone off at night or even on again in the morning, well treo alarm solves this very nicely by doing it for you, all you have to do is set the alarm for the time to switch off, choose disable from the wireless menu and hit ok. You can also get it to switch back on again by setting a second one.

Treo alarm also lets you set the day/days and alarm type. Combine this with the ability to use it as an alarm clock without all the mucking about in calendar and the ability to update weather reports from the net this is a very lovely little app.

I would highly recommend this to anyone with a treo 600 or 650 phone.
- posted by J @ 00:00

 
My phone,
Due to the rash of people posting stuff about there computers i thought i would post one about my new phone and what's on it, so here you go.

Standard applications:
Phone, Messaging and photo messaging, Email and Internet, Camera, To do list, Calender, Calculator, Memo pad, Hotsync.

Games:
Backgammon - nuff said
Dope wars - buy and sell drugs to make cash
Sfcave - A very annoying maze game
Space trader - A fantastic text based elite clone
Tetris - Tetris
Yummi - Pac man for smartphones
Zap!2016 - A space shooter.

Applications:
City time - An app to tell you the time in different countries (totally useless unless you travel a lot).
Documents to go - A document reader.
Freedom - A useful app that auto switches your treo from speaker to headset as soon as you plug it in. Very usefull for listening to music and movies in stereo
Handpaint - Paint for treo.
Palmreader - A nice little E-book reader.
Ptunes - An MP3 player
Remote - A TV/Cable/sky/stereo remote (Cant as yet get it to work)
Remote lock - A nice little app that locks your phone when it recives a text message with a certain phrase.
Tcmp (The core media player) - A fantastic media player for all your movies.
Treo alarm - An incredibly usefull app (see review in next post).

And thats it at the mo but im sure i shall be adding more to it as time goes on.
- posted by J @ 17:37

 
Show reports.
Here are a few more show report snippets. For those of you who dont know, a show report is written by the stage manager after a show highlighting any problems or mistakes.

Show: Everyman, Fairmont State University, 2005
"The fire alarm went off at 8:45 due to Op Shop personnel exploding a vacuum cleaner bag in the lobby... seriously... I don’t have the energy to make something like that up"

Show: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Connaught Theatre, Dec 2004
"During the Wicked Queen/ Hunter jelly sequence a member of the audience responded to the question ‘Oh can’t we have the jelly then?’ with ‘No, F*** it!’"
"DSM splashed hot tea in her face during the interval, and called the second half of the show with an ice pack on her face."

Show: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
"The TD had to leave 15 minutes before curtain up due to the gaping flesh wound in his head. SM called only other person legally allowed to operate pyros, ATD, whose reaction to the TD's swift exit was 'What in the **** was he doing headbutting a door? 'TD returns after interval, mildly concussed and with surgical glue holding his head together. SM decides he isn't fit to blow things up."

Show: Aladdin 2004, Perth Repertory Theatre
"Wee Wishee Washie's Wig Was Well Wonky."

Show: Aladdin 2004, Perth Repertory Theatre
"After delivering his first ‘oh yes I will’ and receiving no response, Mr L** gave the audience a lecture in Panto etiquette and response. He then reminded the audience of the earlier lesson in Act 2."

Show: Zombie Prom, College production
Sound note given after tech rehearsal: As long as we hear voices all of the time, we're happy To which the TD responded: Unless the voices tell us to kill people.

Show: Othello adaptation
Carl (the director) would like to know if we can make the cloths that the actors tear down fall slower. To which the ATD responded: No problem. We'll just turn gravity down backstage.

Show: Mark Ives The Death of Trotsky
Bushy wig worn by actor playing Trotsky came off whenever he moved his head. Actor finally solved problem by ignoring snickering audience and replacing wig each time, and finally hollering at the audience, "Suspension of disbelief, people!"

Entire Show Report for As You Like It (Shakespeare Festival of Dallas)
Good show, small audience. No one vomited on stage.
Act 1: 1 hour 22 minutesAct 2: 56 minutes

You have to be nuts to work in this business.
- posted by J @ 17:15

 
What's the point.
This is a rant and it could get messy.

About three months ago, as part of the great box sort, I ventured into my loft and pulled a few things out to dump. A wardrobe (flatpacked of course), some carpet underlay And an old 486 and monitor these were duly packaged up with gaffer into 3 parts, then I called the council.
Our local council provides this service where by you can call them and they will come and collect 3 (and only 3) items and take them away for you (it helps to prevent fly tipping) for free. Well they used to now they charge you £15 for it. Never mind I will do it myself, the stuff has sat on our lawn for three months.
I finally got round to borrowing the van (I only have a small car and there was no way the wardrobe would go in) from work the other day and in my lunch hour drove home loaded the stuff into the van, along with other accumulated bits of crap and off to the dump I go. Get to the gate and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi I have got some stuff to dump.
Council worker: Cant come in, van. (no I'm not taking the piss this guy really was the missing link)
Me: yes it is a van but it's domestic waste you are quite welcome to have a look.
Council worker: No, your in a van, you need a permit.
Me: ok can I have a permit to dump (bracing for next answer)
Council worker: need to phone the council, they will send you one (what a surprise).
Me: ok as I have the stuff here can I walk it in (last ditch attempt).
Council worker: No. You will have to go to the weigh bridge next door (trade waste, they charge you).

So running out of time I thought fuck it we will go to the weigh bridge. So we pull in and I go to the office.

Me: hi I have some domestic waste to dump.
Council worker: okay but there is a charge, your better off dumping next door.
Me: been there, done that, how much.
Council worker: £20.
Me: (loosing will to live and lunch break) Ok.
Council worker: Do you have any hazardous waste?
Me: NO it's domestic, a wardrobe, a comp etc.
Council worker: sorry you cant dump the comp it's classed as HW under the new EU guidelines (AHHHHHHHH)
Me: So what am I supposed to do with it.
Council worker: Your best bet is to take it home put it in a car and dump it next door in the domestic tip (AHHHHHHHHH so its only classed as HW at the trade site who the fuck thought that gem up)
Me: ok I will do that, can I pay to dump the rest.
Council worker: yep, we take cash or chq.
Me: AHHHHHHHH (I'm on lunch, no cash and I don't use chqs)

Back in the van driving to work. Now at this point I realize that if I was a lesser person I would drive the van under the motorway to the piece of waste ground, open the back and push the whole lot out, letting the council pick up the tab which would be higher than if they had just picked up the stuff for fucking free in the first place. But I don't I'm a good boy.

I drive back to work, dump the whole lot into our dock and give our driver £10 to bury the whole lot under our work shit and dump it when he does our next tip run. No one will check the lorry so fuck it.

Job done. But it does strike me that the council really needs to asses its policy's especially as they are spending a fortune on fighting flytipping, is it really any wonder. I was lucky I had some where to dump it someone else may not have.
- posted by J @ 11:50

 
Things that I have discovered.

1. The blipper for your car central locking, alarm/imobaliser will always run out of battery when you are away from home, at night. Never at home, in the daytime.
2. The manual you need telling you how to de-activate the imobaliser with the key will be in the glove compartment of the locked car.
3. The spare that you keep at home and that you got a friend to bring out to you will work once.
4. When switching of the engine while sat at KFC to phone home (letting home know you got into the car) the imobaliser will switch on if left for 5mins.
5. State of the art security system my arse.
6. Swearing dose not help.
7. See points 1 and 3.
8. The manual will tell you how to de-activate the imobaliser using the pin number on security card this is to prevent security breaches.
9. The security card you didn't get given because you bought the car second hand.
10. Swearing does help.
11. Taking the battery out of the remote and rubbing it between your hands to "warm it up" does not.
12. Swearing at you passenger for making daft comments does not help.
13. Smoking DOES calm you down.
14. Searching the car in a vain attempt to stave off calling a taxi and leaving the car can turn up interesting results.
15. Like a half eaten packet of chewits.
16. An A to Z of Birmingham.
17. The remote for the car stereo (I don't know why we have this, possibly for use when your arms shrink and you are no longer able to reach the radio controls).
18. The Harry potter tape 4 you thought you had lost.
19. One glove.
20. And a new unopened battery for your car blipper.
21. YAYYYYY
22. I'm so glad I'm anal enough to carry a spare.
23. Next time I will keep one at home too.

- posted by J @ 17:35

 
HGTTG
WOOOHOOO I finally saw it last night.

What a film. As a massive hitchhikers fan this film had the potential to be a true let down for me but it wasn't, far from it, I thought it was great.
Martin freeman (Arthur dent) was a fantastic choice as our hero and has shown that he should not be typecast as the dopey one from the office and Mos def (ford prefect) was truly wonderful. In fact the cast list was the best I have seen. Disney you did a wonderful thing when you pulled out of this film and I thank you.
The film itself lacked nothing, it had all the laughs of the radio play and book but with a load of new stuff and the graphics to back it up, The factory floor on magrathia was exceptionally well done and really bought it to life.

If you have not been to see this film GO NOW you wont regret it.

What are you still doing here I said GO NOW.
- posted by J @ 17:18

 
Cheddar time.
1. Who's your favorite talk show host?
Michael Parkinson. He's a lean, mean, interviewing machine
2. Late night talk show?
don't really have one I'm afraid
3. What's your favorite drama?
Spooks, just a well written and thought out series.
4. Favorite comedy?
Red dwarf, need I say more. Unfortunately the US never had the good version of red dwarf only the shite knock off that bombed, which is a shame because I think you would have enjoyed it.
5. Least favorite show or genre?
Reality TV, IT IS DULL PEOPLE. The only reason to watch it is to see sex, nudity or the occasional good barney,
6. Most unlikely show you like?
Supernanny, Adults unite.
7. Most unlikely show you thought you'd like but really hate?
Joey, come on I feel the words barrel and scrape spring to mind.
8. Worst reality show?
Big brother
9. Best reality show (if it exists)?
See 5 but the experiment was interesting.
10. Best TV innovation?
The remote
11. Who's the hottest person on TV (take that as you will, sexiest, most famous, whatever)?
Holly from MOM, she will certainly cure any hangover.
12. Who's got a face for radio?
Will have to think about that one.
13. What major news channel, if any, do you watch?
BBC news 24
14. Bill O'Reilly. Thoughts?
Who?
- posted by J @ 08:59

 
Just a quickie.
Hi all this is just a quickie (will post more later) to ask if someone can please leave a comment because I not sure if it is working, as I don't seem to have had any for a while.

It probably is working and you have all just gone quiet on me.

cheers.
- posted by J @ 16:45

 
Truths about life.
TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
- posted by J @ 21:07

 
Pub survey.

Well the first one has arrived from Markiss so here it is.

Name of pub. St Mary's Country Inn
Where is pub. Jersey, Channel Islands. (in St Mary, in the Country and it's an Inn)
Time of visit. 9:45pm - 11:30pm
Day of visit. All except Tuesdays
Opening hours, Don't know, never there in the morning-daytime. Think it is about 10am -11:30pm
Lock inns, None

-Access, (or how easy to get out of when pissed)steps (how many). 12
Wheel chair/pushchair access?Yes/No. Yes
Doors manual/auto. Manual
How many doors? 3

-Ale's
How many?. 8 ish
Non alcoholic drinks? Yes/No. I think I have seen one once
Wines Yes/No. Yup
Specials of the house (proof content). The Barmaids (100% proof)
Prices (pint). Too much!. Average price about £2:40

-Toilets
Clean? Yes/No. Sometimes
On same level? Yes/No. Depends how many I have had to drink but normally Yes
Working? Yes/No. Most of the time
Smell level (1-5 1=oh shit I have passed out). Normally 4 but sometimes 1

-Environment
Smoking/non smoking areas? Yes/No/both. Not in Pub but no smoking in restaurant area
Clean? Yes/No. Mostly
Space? Yes/No. Loads (Normally by the time I get there, there are only 4 people in the whole pub.
Family only area? Yes/No. No
Noise? (level 1-5 1=WHAT?) Fridays 2 because of band and 1 rest of the time because of Alan
Heat? (level 1-5 1=AHHHH it's the sun) 3
Games? Yes/No. Yes
Seating? Tables only, sofas, arm chairs. All apart from sofas
Relaxing? Yes/No. Never time to relax, need to drink
T.V.? Yes/No. I go to get away from the T.V but there is one in the public bar
Channels? (how many) All of Sky apart from menu TV thank God.

-Food
Yes/no. Yes
Times? 6pm - 9:30pm (Summer Time)
Special diet? Yes/No. Don't know
Kids meals? Yes/No. Yes
Cheap/expensive? (Cost of a plate of chips). Expensive. Restaurant prices not Pub prices
Is it edible, Yes/No. No comment
Bar snacks yes/no? No (apart from your normal crisps and nuts. The nuts you eat, not drink with)
Specials? Yes/No. Yes (But the same ones most of the time so they could be on the printed menu
Sunday? Yes/No. Yes

-Staff
nice, understanding, helpful, unhelpful, What staff (delete where appropriate) all deleted
Speed of service (mins or hours). Normally never have to wait at all . Don't even have to ask they just keep feeding me beer.

-Beer garden? Yes/no. Beer Garden, Beer steps, Beer Car Park, Beer Beer Beer.......
Seating? Yes/No. Yes
Children play area? Yes/No. No. Apart from the road for those loud kids.
Age? Yes/No. I'm old enough thanks.
Animals water? Yes/No. Yes, the Animals water the Beer Garden from time to time.

-Overall rating1-5, 1 being DIVE, DIVE, DIVE. 5 because it is next-door to me J and I don't really have any other choice because my Land lord may read this.

See pubs page for my rating.
- posted by J @ 08:48