Excel Madness
See if anyone can work this out as it has my tiny brain stumped.

In cell A I want to put a number (1-13)
And in cell B I want to return a value (A-L)

So in cell A I put 1
And in cell B I get A
Simple.

This is a standard formula (=IF(A1=1, "A"))
But I want to return multiple answers for multiple values i.e.

If I put into cell A the number 2
I want to get in cell B the letter B.
3-C, 4-D etc
And I want to keep it as one formula taking up one cell as I need to repeat it over and over.

To me the answer should be =IF(A1=1,"A")(A1=2,"B")etc. Or something similar but that doesn't work and my head now hurts from trying to get any sense from Microsoft help files (I know why did I bother).

I know there is a way to do it but I can't find it and I don't have time to spend trawling forums.

So 200 Points to the first person who can give me a formula that works.
Cheers.

- posted by J @ 17:10

 
Question Update.
Questions will be answered on Saturday sorry to all for the delay I haven't thought of new ones yet as I have just got back from a rather emotional break and have been trying to sort my head.

Will tell you about it later.

Cheers.

- posted by J @ 17:01

 
Away again
Sorry for not posting the answers to last weeks questions yet I am away again and will post the answers as soon as I get home to the land of broadband.

So now for some music. (Click on "i am the law" to see what Kelvin got all the points for)

Kelvin the cd will be on its way im really sorry for being slack.

see ya'll


- posted by J @ 18:15

 
IF.
Another of my favorites

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

- posted by J @ 18:15

 
Quath the raven!
The other night I decided to settle down for the night with a bit of Poe. Yes I know Edgar Allen Poe is not light reading but I skipped the story's and went straight for the poems (Which I usually avoid as I'm not keen on his poetry) and re-discovered this one which I had forgotten about.

A dream within a Dream - Edgar Allen Poe.

Take this kiss upon the brow!And,
in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! Yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep, while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! Can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

I like it.

- posted by J @ 19:15

 
Aughhhhhh!
Firstly an apology for the lack of posting, I have just added up my hours for the last two weeks and it tops out at 140 which is nice and to top it all I now have the start of the cold from hell which I am hoping will go away with the use of hardcore lemsip.

First of all work:
As most of you know I am an electrician at a theatre here in Bristol and we have just had two very busy production weeks.
The week before last was a touring show which had its fit up (Rigging, set etc) and its Tech (plotting in all the lighting, sound etc with the actors) and four shows all within the space of a week. Then on the Saturday night they had there get out followed by the Lx (Lighting) fit up which finished at 6am Sunday morning home for sleep and back in on the Sunday afternoon for more of the same.
Last week was then the production week and tech for our new show Arcadia. Which means 9am starts till 10pm finishes (in-dispersed with tortoise abuse) and general work around the building.

But and there is a but, it is now over and we are back to some form of normality so my body has decided that now is the perfect time to contract a cold, so I have spent the day coughing and sneezing.

Secondly Home:
Poppy is good she is very happy and smiling, She is also starting to discover distances and spends lost of time grabbing for objects. She also has started loving her daddy again and no longer seems to scream every time I pick her up, Which is nice.

Thirdly The world:
Kelvin is having Arboreal Confusion, Charles is posting art, Kelly is having an Anniversary, Markiss is posting naked ladies and ww2 pics and Rob is still in bed.

I'm going to bed now with a warm lemon drink.

- posted by J @ 19:47

 
Posting absence
Sorry that there have been no posts of note lately, I am coming to the end of a very hellish week and will post over the weekend.

Mean while here are some funnies.









- posted by J @ 22:45

 
Hotmail filter cockup.
Just a quick post to say Markiss has bought himself another 3 prizes.

Well done.

And also if any of you have requested soil prizes recently please re-send your request as hotmail decided to label Markiss's request as junk and I only just caught it in time.

Cheers

J

- posted by J @ 22:13

 
The big question answered.
Here are the answers to last weeks questions.

Bonus Q. He was born in Bristol, UK and his name was Archie Leech.
Winner. Kelvin

Q1. How many Paperbacks do I own?
A. 135
Q2. What I my favorite book based on a true crime story (The writer is now in prison)?
A. Keep on running by Ronnie Biggs
Q3. What book have I just been given?
A. Digital fortress by Dan brown.
Q4. What 3 books have I just had bought for me as a present?
A. His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Q5. What book do I have 2 copies of?
A. Harry potter and the order of the phoenix.

This week due to the sheer sneakiness of Tshari (She emailed my other half for the answers) she has been awarded overall winner scoring 500 points and Markiss who tried on question one and then copied Tshari's answers is awarded 100.

This weeks questions are.

Q1. Who wrote "Passage to India"?
Q2. What international festival was recently held in Bristol?
Q3. What record was attempted there?
Q4. Naive is an anagram of what well known brand?
Q5. What is the missing factor:
A) 8 L on an O
B) 365 D in a Y
C) 12 I in an F

Points:
20 each
Q5. 10 each

Have fun.



- posted by J @ 21:20

 
Tortoise cybernetics.
Today at work I inserted a Radio controlled tank into a tortoise.

I think I better explain before I get letters and a court summons.

One of the most enjoyable parts of my job, for me, is making practical's. A practical in theatrical terms are stage props that do things Lanterns, Radios that sort of stuff.
Well we are about to do Arcadia by Tom stoppard and in Arcadia there is a tortoise that has to move. So after receiving the fiberglass tortoise I had to spend yesterday afternoon buying a radio controlled car (I plumped for a Abraham's tank it's a carry weight/gear ratio thing) and today was spent inserting it into a tortoise so that the little bleeder would move and making it secure enough to withstand 24 shows. So after an entire day of cutting, drilling, swearing and sweating it was finally finished and was racing up and down the corridor without a head (I had to remove it due to space access issues). With any luck it will hold out and walk (well sort of) the boards.

There you go a bit of theatrical nonsense.

Oh just to add that Kelvin has earned himself 1000 points for providing The music track I was looking for.

Thanks very much and well done.

- posted by J @ 19:24

 
Memories.
I walked to work yesterday (strange but true) and on my walk to work I cross through a park, as I was walking along a noticed four trees all with labels at the base.
Sword, Omah, Utah and gold (obviously signifying the Landing beaches at Normandy) and this jogged somewhere in the back of my mind a memory.

When I was a kid, one of the towns I grew up in was called lostwithiel and like may towns in Cornwall it had a war memorial (there was a large training ground in Cornwall during WW2).
Now every remembrance day the veterans would march through the town to the war memorial and lay poppies etc.

What struck me as odd as a kid, was that I didn't (and still don't to a certain extent) understand why they are called war memorials, surely it made more sense to erect a monument for peace and remember those who gave there lives for peace. I understand the sentiment is the same but just find it to be one of those bizarre ironies of life.

Maybe it's just me.

- posted by J @ 19:43

 
Cop out.
Sorry peeps.

Production week.
12 hour days.
Very little sleep.
Will write somthing inspired and meaningful when I get a moment.

bye

- posted by J @ 13:12

 
The big (Bonanza) question answered
Here are the answers to the bonanza questions.

The Olympics:
Q1. Who won a medal for Britain in archery?
A. Alison Williamson
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.
Q2. Why was it so special?
A.This was her last chance at a medal as she is retiring.
Winner. No one
Q3. Which country's gold medal has been hotly contested by the silver and bronze medal winners?
A. The answer I was looking for is Germany but as there were others I have given 50 for others.
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.
Q4. And in which event?
A. Equestrian
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.

Film:
Q5. What is unusual about the man George Bailey saves from drowning in "Its a Wonderful Life"?
A. He is an angel.
Winner. Tshari and victor.
Q6. Bald, pointy-eared plague rats followed him wherever he went, Which German classic?
A. Nosferatu
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin, Victor and Markiss.
Q7. On what play was the forbidden planet based?
A. The Tempest
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin, Victor and Markiss.
Q8. The music Dueling banjo's was in which film?
A. Deliverance.
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin, Victor and Markiss.
Q9. What was bizarre about the actor?
A. The actor was not mentally handicapped he was just cast for his look but he couldn't play the banjo in fact he couldn't play any instrument and a player had to put his arms under the boys and play for him.
Winner. Tshari and Markiss = 10, Kelvin and Victor

Assorted:
Q10. Helm, gunner and backpack are all friends of which comicbook character?
A. Rouge trooper.
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.
Q11. What number did bananaman live at?
A. 29
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.
Q12. "Be grateful. Our scars have the power to remind us the past was real" Who and in which film.
A. Hanibbl lecter (Antony Hopkins)( red dragon)
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.
Q13. "I'm not a crook. I'm ambitious there's a difference." Who and which film?
A. Art land (jack Nicholson) Mars attacks)
Winner. Tshari, Kelvin and Markiss.

Total:
Tshari = 760
Kelvin = 850
Victor = 250
Markiss = 710

So no one has won the 500 bonus points well I will give you a chance to alter that with a bonus (I feeling friendly) question.

Bonus Q. Where was cary grant born and what was his real name.
500 to the first one of you to get it right.

Here are this weeks questions, there is a slight difference this week as you will not be able to google the answers and I am only letting you know the points value for the first question. The rest will be awarded as I see fit so make your answers good ones as I'm in a good mood.

Q1. How many Paperbacks do I own?
Q2. What I my favorite book based on a true crime story (The writer is now in prison)?
Q3. What book have I just been given?
Q4. What 3 books have I just had bought for me as a present?
Q5. What book do I have 2 copies of?

Points:
Q1 - 100 for the nearest
Q2-5 - Depends on the quality, ingenuity, sneakiness and comedic value of the answers.

Have fun.

- posted by J @ 18:35

 
Cheddar time na na na na cant touch this.
I aint done one of these for a bit so here goes

1. Who's your favorite superhero?
The punisher, Fighter of justice and all that and I think just a cool suit, bike and logo.

2. Who's your favorite villain?
Judge Cal (2000ad), a very discerning kind of comic book nutter.

3. What was your last brush with greatness?
In my daughters eyes about 10 mins ago when I saved her from the pooey nappy from hell. Other than that when I was 15 and got Caning band in public school's by taking the British government to court.

4. Who is the last celebrity you've seen in public?
Richard O'Brien but I also see quite a few smaller ones at work (I work for a theatre)

5. What's the most important event on your horizon?
Going to spend some time with my dad and my grandparents.

And one political question, I can't help it.

6. What did you think of Bush's speech last night?
Bush can Read a speech off an auto-cue that a team of people has written for him! Of this I am truly impressed. No I didn't see it but I can probably guess how it went.
Kerry bad him no fight in most embarrassing war of USA history.
Iraq bad.
Saudi good.
Bush good.
Vote for bush.

I'm paraphrasing of course.

Points: 500 to the FIRST person who gives me the artist's name who inspired the title.

- posted by J @ 18:59

 
Holiday snaps.
Okey dokey guys the photos from my holiday are up just click here and follow the 2004 link on the left.

Enjoy

- posted by J @ 13:15

 
The holiday.
Ahhh finally 10mins to write about the great weekend.
Friday was spent mostly traveling down from Bristol to penzance via dartmoor and the wiggly windy lanes of Cornwall to our campsite that really was in the middle of nowhere, Following the directions supplied we did find it however even after not turning left at the green bin (it said on the direction "Do not turn left at the green bin, There were loads).
The campsite was simple but good and we were given a field to ourselves. Friday night was spent setting up camp, greeting people who arrived and getting drunk.
Saturday started with Rob D cooking us breakfast and was then spent Building bbq's, a lovely walk with a game of poo sticks (If you don't know what that is read Winnie the poo), Playing stomp rocket, and flying a kite with the arrival of others thrown in.
We had a lovely bbq and spent the evening getting drunk.
Sunday we all decided to go to lands end and then to a pub (We missed Sunday lunch though) then a few of us went on to the minac theatre and then back to the campsite for more drinking.
Monday was home time and back the way we came with the added bonus of a stop on dartmoor for cream tea.
All in all it was a lovely weekend with good food and good company and lots of drinking.

I will be adding the pics to my website soon.

tata for now

Ps. Thanks to all of you for coming it was great to see you all and meet some new faces, Thanks to Emma for all your driving and it was great to see you Rob thanks for coming off the rock.

- posted by J @ 16:10