Big Question answered
Here are the answers to last weeks questions.

Q1. Which film was originally called the Imposter Of Baker street?
A. Without a clue.
Winner. Kelvin, Markiss and rob gets 5 samples.
Q2. "The story that wont go away" was the poster tagline for which movie?
A. JFK
Winner. Rob, Kelvin, Markiss And Kel.
Q3. Hatfield house Was the location for who's manor house?
A. The answer i was looking for was Lara croft.
Winner. Markiss
Q4. Which non-terminator film featured a hero called John Conner?
A. Red sun
Winner. Rob, Kelvin, Markiss and kel.

Points:
Rob: 35
Kelvin:50
Markiss: 70
Kel: 30

Ok Im now bored of Film questions (so are you all probably) so i have decided to have a question blowout before i change topic next week so here goes.

Q1. What do you have to do to the initials HAL to come up with the name of a computer company.
Q2. Taglines, Match the tagline to a film.
a) "Even a hit man derserves a second shot"
b) "They rob from the rich...and thats it"
c) "Makes Ben Hur look like an epic"
d) "Nice guys finish last, Meet the winner"
E) "It will tear your soul apart"
Q3. Why is a films run time less on Tv and Video?
Q4. How did Al Capone kill one of his henchmen at a board meeting in The Untouchables?
Q5. Who is the only actor to have directed himself to the best actor Oscar?
Q6. Film quotes, Match the quote to a film.
a) "...a snail crawling, slithering along the edge of a straight razor..."
b) "Mean! of cause your look mean! You'll look really scary"
c) "Clatu, Verada, Nitc*cough cough cough"
d) "Wait a minuite ive got and idea!"
e) "Excuse me, I've just performed 101 sexual favours, Im very tired."

Points:
Q1: 20
Q2: 2 for each correct answer, 10 in total.
Q3: 20
Q4: 20
Q5: 20
Q6: 2 for each correct answer, 10 in total.

Total 100 points.
If you get them all right however i will add a further 100 points.

BONUS Q:
Q1: Why should you never whistle on a theatre stage?
Q2: In England Why should a man always walk on the road side of the pavment (sidewalk to the americans, Dont berate me i know someone from NYC that did'nt know what a pavement was) with the woman on the inside?

Points: 100each

Total points giveaway: 400 Points

Enjoy.
- posted by J @ 09:29

 
Alarm! Alarm! This post has been stolen.
From Leeann.

You have to take each letter of the alphabet and list a band you truly like, here goes:

Ac/Dc
Bangrah Knights
Coldplay
Darkness, the
Ella fiztgerald
Fun Lovin criminals
Gorillaz
Headless chickens
Iggy pop
Jamiroquai
Kiss
Leftfield
Mad caddys
Neds atomic dustbin
Osric tentacles
Pink
Queen
Red hot chili peppers
Scruff's, Mr
The the
Us 3
Verve, The
W.a.s.p
X (there are bands that begin with x I'm sure but I don't know any)
Yello
Zz top

Phew that was difficult, I had loads for some letters but very few for others.
- posted by J @ 16:21

 
Ill Cheese you my pretty....
I'm not from the US so I will give 2 sets of answers.

1. If you had a choice of dinner with George W. Bush or John Kerry, which would it be, why and what would you serve?
UK Answer: Neither That's just a scary question. In UK terms thats a choice between Tony B and Maggie thatcher.
US Answer: George bush and I would serve him a Lead pipe right in the mouth. I know violence doesn't solve anything but fuck it, it would make me feel better.

2. What are your three major criteria for choosing who to vote for?
UK A: The Issues, Previous track record (watch out Blair) and hair style.
US A: Are they the duly elected representative of the people, Have they taken us to war in the last 5 years, And do they have the word bush anywhere in there name.

3. Do you plan to vote "for" someone or "against" someone?
UK A: For
US A: against

4. What bothers you most about this presidential election?
UK A: That bush might win.
US A: That bush might cheat again and win.

5. How much does a candidate's religious affiliation have to do with your decision to vote for him?
UK A: very little.
US A: Unless he/she is wearing a white hooded robe with kkk on it, very little.

6. When do you think the first female president will be elected?
UK A: Been there done that.
US A: As soon as possible, but realistically 2020

7. Who, among prominent politicians, would you most like to see in the White House?
UK A: don't follow US politics that closely sorry.
US A: don't follow US politics that closely sorry.

8. Who, among all people, would you like to see in the White House?
UK A: Ellen
US A: Oprah winfrey (see Michael moore's web page)

Have just spent the week with a good friend from New York (who also happens to be jewish) so have been getting her thoughts as well.
- posted by J @ 22:31

 
Bizarre website of the week.
The commands for him change so you may not be able to get the same result twice.

But from the world of the internet weird comes.....

SUBSERVIENT CHICKEN

(Cheers sara)

Enjoy
- posted by J @ 16:22

 
Congrats!
To markiss for the purchase of his second prize. He is on his way to that big plaque.
- posted by J @ 21:51

 
Big Question answered.
Here they are folks. End of the week here are the answers you have been waiting for.

Q1. In an alphabetical list of films theatrically released in 1989, Which would come first?
A. The Abyss
Winner. Kelvin and Kel, even with the discussion over "The".
Q2. Who played the three aliens in earth girls are easy?
A. Jim carrey, Geoff goldblum, Damon wayans.
Winner. Kelvin, Leeann, Rob, Markiss and kel.
Q3. In 1991 only two sequels were among the top ten grosers in the US. What were they?
A. T2 and Naked gun 2.5
Winner. Kelvin, Leeann, Rob, Markiss and kel. (I'm making these to easy)
Q4. What is the flattened globe logo at the end of all movie credits?
A. The logo of the MAPP.
Winner. Kelvin and kel. But rob also gets 5 for the most inventive way to say "I don't know". "What some have commonly mistaken for the logo of the Motion Picture Association of America is actually a silent tribute to Tubby McMullond, hollywood's fattest editor. Rumor has it that Tubby used to work with film wrapped round his considerable midriff when splicing. Allegedly he was able to wear the chariot race from Ben Hur with only 4.3 full encirclements.

Tubby, we miss you man ... But not as much as the burger store on 76th."
Rock on Tubby.

Points:
Kelvin - 80
Leeann - 30
Rob - 35
Markiss - 30
Kel - 70

Well done to you all.

Note: In future All answers must be given in full or will be disregarded, So none of this "as above" or "What he/she said" rubbish. You know who you are.

This Weeks question

Q1. Which film was originally called the Imposter Of Baker street?
Q2. "The story that wont go away" was the poster tagline for which movie?
Q3. Hatfield house Was the location for who's manor house?
Q4. Which non-terminator film featured a hero called John Conner?

Points:
Q1. 20
Q2. 10
Q3. 20
Q4. 20

Have fun.

- posted by J @ 21:16

 
Blog Theft!
FIRSTS
First job: Ticket collector on a steam railway
First self purchased CD: Kaos theory 3
First piercing/tattoo: None
First enemy: Berti Scrase.

LASTS
Last big car ride: Christmas, back from surrey.
Last kiss: 10 mins ago
Last library book checked out: The colditz story.
Last movie seen: Finding nemo
Last beverage drank: Pepsi max
Last food consumed: Steak and chips with pink peppercorn hollandaise
Last phone call: Sara. She's coming to stay YAAAAAAy
Last CD played: Alabama 3
Last annoyance: The last show I did.
Last pop drank: See beverage
Last ice cream eaten: A Magnum.
Last shirt worn: Yesterdays T Shirt.

I....
I AM: Happy.
I HAVE: to go to bed soon.
I WISH: I could walk through walls
I HEAR: My comp fan.
I SEARCH: for loose change down the back of the sofa.
I REGRET: nothing.
I LOVE: my family.
I ALWAYS: am loyal to my friends no matter how much they piss me off.

FAVORITES
NUMBER: 13
COLOR: iridescence blue (think that's how you spell it)
DAY: Sunday.
MONTH: December
SONG(S): at the moment "Hasan" By the Bangrah knights.
SEASON: Winter
DRINK: A Black Russian.

Stolen from kel.
- posted by J @ 21:45

 
CHEESE TIME.
1. What's your favorite board game?
If you did not read last time it is your own tough cheese (scuse the pun).

2. If you had to sing a song on national TV (ala the bleh-worthy American Idol), what song would you sing?
Headless children by W.A.S.P

3. If you had to sing a duet, what song would you sing and with who?
Unchaind melody with Ozzie Osborne.

4. If your life was made into a movie, what would the title be?
Pinch me I'm dreaming.

5. If your life was made into a porn movie, what would the title be?
Slap and tickle.

6. Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
Tom hanks

7. In the porn?
I don't feel that anyone but myself could do the part justice.

From Easy,
8. What are some of the top bumper stickers you've seen or thought of (I do think this is a repeat but that's cool, we've got a lot of new members)?

In really small letters "I'm watching you"
On the back of a skoda "Some cunt nicked my porsche"
On a van "Am I driving badly. Well if your can read this so are you"
"Paranoid driver on board. So stop fucking following me"

- posted by J @ 21:34

 
Beware your sins...
This is a little long, but trust me keep reading it is well worth it.

P-P-Powerbook

My upmost congratulations to Jeff and all the agents of justice.
- posted by J @ 19:20

 
God steps in.
Now there seems to be a little discontent in the ranks about "The Big question" and how points are allocated and questions are answered.

Here's how it is.

1. I think up a question and I have the answer.
2. There is only one answer. MINE. But I do award points for funny stuff or if I think someone is trying really hard. If a question is thought to be technically incorrect please refer to the start of point 2. Or follow the complaints procedure below.
3. Points will be awarded as I see fit.

If you do not like this way of working here is how to complain.

First of all you will need paper, a pen, a large padded envelope and a return stamped address envelope all of which can be purchased at any good post office.
You will then need to have a free evening during which you will need to write a 5000 word letter detailing your complaint (any less will be ignored immediately)and then you need to send it to me along with a processing fee of 500 pounds sterling in used notes.
This is the address to send it to: The we don't care corporation, 59-75 wasteotime avenue, Barbados.
Please allow 28 years for a reply if you do not receive a reply within the allotted time please try again.

I do hope this clears up any issues that you may have.

ps. both kelvin and Charles get 5 points each for being cheeky little blighters.
- posted by J @ 17:19

 
The Big Q answerd
Quite alot of Toing and froing this week, here are the official answers.

Q1. What have Peter pan, Anakin skywalker, Igby and Harry potter got in common?
A. The actors were all born in 1989.
Winner. Eventualy, Edmund "Update. Ok so maybe they aren’t all orphans… so I guess it must be something to do with the actors:
Daniel Radcliffe - Harry Potter
Jake Lloyd - Anakin Skywalker
Jeremy Sumpter - Peter Pan
Rory Culkin - 10yr old Igby
All born in 1989."
Q2. What was served with fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe?
A. Human Flesh.
Winner. Markiss,"Human Flesh?", Edmund, "Human body parts." and Kel, "Fillet of wife beater".
Q3. Who was the company Miramax named after?
A. Miriam and max wienstien.
Bonus A. Parents of Harvey and bob the founders.
Winner. Markiss, Edmund, Kelvin, Rob and leeann.
Bonus Winner. Edmund, Kelvin and Leeann.
Q4. In which 1994 films would you find the following characters?
A) Harry Tasker
B) Bridget Gregory
C) Norville Barnes
D) Andrew Beckett
E) Annie Porter
A. A)True lies, B) The last seduction, C)TheHudsucker proxy, D)Philedeiphia, E)Speed.
Winner. Markiss, Edmund, Kevlin, Leeann and Kel gest 5 for one answer.

Here is the final tally.

Markiss - 65 samples
Edmund - 110 samples
Kelvin - 70 samples
Rob - 20 samples
Leeann - 70 samples
Kel - 25 samples

Now Originally i was only going to take the first answer for each question, Not updates, As a basis for awarding the 300 but that has changed. Here is how the 300 points are going to be awarded.

Edmund, for getting all the answers with a change of mind will recive 290 samples
Kel, for comming and giving it a go even though she had stomach flu will recive 10 samples

This will bring edmund up to 400 samples and kel to 35 samples.

Well done to your all.

Here are this weeks questions.

Q1. In an alphabetical list of films theatrically released in 1989, Which would come first?
Q2. Who played the three aliens in earth girls are easy?
Q3. In 1991 only two sequals were among the top ten grosers in the US. What were they?
Q4. What is the flattend globe logo at the end of all movie credits?

Points:
Q1. 20 samples
Q2. 10 samples
Q3. 20 samples
Q4. 30 samples

Have fun and enjoy.
- posted by J @ 08:51

 
Put a little bird house in your soul!
Once upon a time Julius Caesar uttered the words "Et tu brutes", The Wright brothers took to the skies, The telephone was invented, Man walked on the moon, But history is but a trifle to what I have discovered.

Man has pondered many question, Can lead be turned into gold, did Atlantis really exist, has Britney spears had a boob job or not. But the thing that has plagued mankind for its entire existence (accept for a small period around 224bc where nothing much happened) is the ultimate question, the question of life.

Man has quarreled about it, fought wars over it, and suffered really bad books (and some good ones) and TV mini series about it, the allusive answer. People have died, been reborn and died again in the pursuit of it. Why are we here, what is our purpose in life, Why is a tomato a fruit, Why, Why, Why.

Well I have the answer.

The answer to life the universe and everything.

The answer to The ULTIMATE question.

(No not 42)

The Answer to our very existence.

The Baffle of the ages.

But I'm not going to tell you because you wouldn't believe me if I did.

- posted by J @ 16:35

 
Cheesyness!
1. How many computer passwords do you currently have?
Four! Easy, Medium, hard And "Where the fuck did I put that code book"

2. When was the last time you nearly went insane because you'd forgotten which one you were using?
About 6pm this evening.

3. What's your favorite board game?
Monopoly, then chess. Insane fun followed by mind bending strategy.

4. How long have you been at your current job?
1 year and a few months

5. How much "push" would it take to get you to walk?
Not an massive amount, I walk to work when I cant be assed to wait for the bus. Also I have a partner so shopping is always about a 50 mile hike and I have a rather physical job.

and one via Guessboy
6. What's the best t-shirt slogan or comment that you've come across?
"Aids can kill, don't be silly. Put a condom on your willy". It's silly, informative and it rhymes.
- posted by J @ 21:16

 
IM A MAN!!!! GRRRRRR........
10 Things that make us feel like real men..

10. Heavy steering: NEOwwwwww left then right, nice and fast around an s-bend. Makes you feel like Han solo dodging asteroids.
9. Sharpening a pencil with a Stanley knife: Blunt huh, hand it over. Pencil sharpener Pah!
8. Forcing a door: A door, locked, Time for the TJ hooker kick.
7. Having Rawl plugs: You don't actual know what they do, But you can find them.
6. Using power tools: especially if they are slightly more powerful than you need or can handle safetly.
5. Taking 200 quid form a cash machine: Okay okay its to pay plumber to fix your last DIY effort but hay for the time being you feel like a Mafia don.
4. Carrying 4 pints: No tray, no spillage.
3. Knowing which screwdriver is which: "Phillips for that, are you mad woman"
2. Your child gasping WOW: Because you have done that thing when you pretend your thumb has come off.
1. Poking a fire: Fire. That one element Which marks men from beasts and has driven many human achievements, now available in bag form so there is nothing much to do except poke it occasionally. But by god we will poke it with our trusty pokie stick until the last dying embers. Telling us WE ARE MEN *GRUNT.

5 Things that make you feel 12 again.

5. Getting shy bladder at the urinal.
4. Dancing when sober.
3. Getting into a hire car and not knowing how to start it.
2. Saying hold me back and no one does.
1. Kicking a ball back to some kids and fluffing it.

Just thought I would share again.
- posted by J @ 10:32

 
The Big Q answered.
Its that time folks, here are the answers to last weeks questions:

Q1. Name the four original teenage mutant ninja turtles?
A. Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo
Winner. Markiss, Edmund and kel all got it right so 10 points to each.
Q2. What have The Big labowski and Three Kings got in common?
A. They were both set in 1991.
Winner. No one, although I did have answers from, Edmund "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", kel "Not a clue" and Markiss "Jesus?"
Q3. Which film is playing at the drive in movie in Twister ?
A. The Shining
Winner. Markiss, Edmund and kel all got it right so 20 points to each.
Q4. In Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Who or what is Priscilla?
A. The bus
Winner. Markiss, Edmund and kel all got it right so 20 points to each.

final tally:

Markiss - 50samples
Kel - 50 Samples
Edmund - 50 samples

Congrats, I will add your points asap.

Here are this weeks Questions.

Q1. What have Peter pan, Anakin skywalker, Igby and Harry potter got in common?
Q2. What was served with fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe?
Q3. Who was the company Miramax named after?
Q4. In which 1994 films would you find the following characters?
A) Harry Tasker
B) Bridget Gregory
C) Norville Barnes
D) Andrew Beckett
E) Annie Porter

Ok here are how the points will work

Q1. 20 samples
Q2. 20 samples
Q3. 30 samples (+ 25 samples if you can tell me who they were.)
Q4. 5 samples for each one you get right.

Extra: You will get an extra 300 samples if you get all the questions right (this does not include the + section on Q3)

Enjoy.

J

- posted by J @ 10:10

 
Cheese time.
1. Desert island scenario: 3 belongings.
Multitool, globestar phone and lots of those little flags for sand castles

2. If you didn't have the name you have, what name would you like to have?
Jala the high and might bongo of all I survey.
or jack

3. What's the craziest thing you ever did while drunk and/or high?
Ran around on the moors naked (don't ask)

4. What movie is your favorite "guilty pleasure"? (You could watch it over and over but are embarrassed to admit it).
don't have a "guilty pleasure" movie but probably shooting fish.

5. When was the last time you ate more than you should have because the food was so good? What were you eating?
about three weeks ago and it was Chinese.

6. How many rechargable items do you have?
Far to many. About 10

7. Will the rising costs of gas affect your driving habits? Or, is the cost of gas rising out of control where you live?
probably not and yes.
- posted by J @ 09:43

 
Congrats!
To markiss for being the first to purchase a soil prize.

You have been added to the soil prize leader board.
- posted by J @ 09:55

 
Sorry folks!
I know I haven't posted anything tangible about my life for a little while, I have been very busy, But here goes.

The last few weeks have been a hotbed of activity. I have been working shows so most of my evenings have been taken up with work. Having said that all is going well at casa de j and the flat is coming on nicely (Thanks to vic) with a fresh coat of paint and some new bits and bobs.

Mother and baby are doing well, 7 weeks to go and counting. I never new babies need so much crap so far she has 3 places to sleep (Moses basket, crib and cot), three ways to be carried (sling, papoose and car seat thing) a change of outfit of every min of the day (typical woman) and a horde of other bric a brack. I know babies need stuff but this is getting a little out of hand. She is not even born yet and she has more stuff than I do.
Ante natal classes are interesting though but possibly a little more reality than I'm used to, Hay ho it's defiantly not going to be boring.

I am also thinking of updating my web site (as everyone seems to be doing it) but I am having trouble coming up with ideas so any would be appreciated.

Well that's it for the time being I will start doing this a lot more now I'm back to normal hours.

See you on the flip side.

J
- posted by J @ 18:13

 
Its not sexy!
10 Things men find sexy but shouldn't.

10. Colleagues bending over: Mutual respect, But look you can see her bum-crack.
9. Barmaids: On the street not a flicker, But put them in charge of beer and your flirting like an idiot.
8. The Cadburys caramel bunny: No human woman will ever measure up.
7. Helag from 'Allo 'Allo: Uniform and suspenders
6. Catherine the great: We know its a myth, but still.
5. Slow dancing: must.... not... get.... stiffie.
4. Wonderbras: We really should know better.
3. Teachers who seduce pupils: Randy little blighters.
2. The woman on the cinema ticket line: We know she's a 60 year old from crew but its the fantasy.
1. Girls hugging: not in itself very erotic but just think, if they didn't have clothes on.

5 Things men should find sexy but don't.

5. Woman who like football.
4. Female ejaculation.
3. Sex and the city.
2. A finger up the bum.
1. Victoria beckham.

Just thought I would share
- posted by J @ 17:57

 
If I won the lottery!
What would I buy with 1,000,000 well I did some research and came up with a few ideas. I could get a nice ranch or perhaps a beach or a nice boat, how about a car. If I was feeling truly techy I could get a domain name.

But I feel for that little extra cash I could have this: The Titan 1. (click the pick)

210 acres
45,000 sf of bunkerness
3 silos each 60ft wide by 160ft deep connected by 1/2 mile of tunnels.
Antenna domes
Power domes
with enough space to have a very cool 6-8 bedroom house without even touching the silos.
And will withstand THE BOMB.

How cool is that. I want one of these puppies.

Or for the more family minded the Atlas F.

I am not a survivalist I just think there is a pleasant irony in turning something that was built for no other purpose than to kill people, into a cool home.

Just think of the party's.
- posted by J @ 10:41

 
Squeeze the cheese!
1. Name 3 things you absolutely love.
My partner, my job, TV.

2. If you had to give 2 of them up which would they be (and why)?
TV and my job, Apart from the fact I would be in real trouble if I said Vicky I can do with out the other two.

3. What is your all time favorite memory EVER?
The day I found out Vicky was pregnant.

4. What is the one thing that happened in high school that would make you avoid your class reunion?
All of it. I hated school but I would probably go just for a laugh.

5. What is your dream job, no matter how untrained you might be or unrealistic and bizarre it might be?
I would love to go into space, so an astronaut I guess.

6. What's one thing you think you're really good at?
My job and having time for people.
- posted by J @ 10:23

 
The big Q answered.
Here are this weeks eagerly awaited answers:

Q1. Which planet rotates clockwise?
A. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Winner. All of you Except rob who decided to try and be clever with "All of them depending on where you are looking at the from". 10 Points each to Edmund, Markiss and Kel. 5 To rob for sheer bloody mindedness.
Q2. In real life what would barbies measurements be?
A. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
Winner. You have all been cheating. All of you got it right Except rob who once again was being clever with "In real life she'd be an 18 stone Latino woman with BO ... Doesn't have quite the same ring to it really". Rob you get 5 for making me chuckle every one else gets 10.
Q3. What is barbies real name?
A. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Winner. Only Markiss got this right with "Barbie Millicent Roberts". So 10 points for him
Q4. What do Mosquito repellents do?
A. A bit of a trick question but not much, Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Winner. Markiss, Kel and Rob (surprisingly) with, in order, "It makes them unable to locate us.", "The repellent confuses the mosquito's sensory functions, making us undesirable. " and "Depends on the type of repellent. Some are simple chemical masks, others are very powerful, mozzie only hallucinogen which convince the bug that what was previously a tasty looking human is now a giant Venus fly trap called Petulia. At this point the mozzies normally think "bugger this, I'm going to learn how to play the sitar" and head for India". 10 points each.

Final tally for this week:
Edmund 25, Markiss 40, Kel 30 and rob 20.

Well done, but as you all seem to be getting these far to easily I am changing my tack here are this weeks questions, with a filmy feel.

Q1. Name the four original teenage mutant ninja turtles?
Q2. What have The Big labowski and Three Kings got in common?
Q3. Which film is playing at the drive in movie in Twister ?
Q4. In Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Who or what is Priscilla?

Points:
10 for Q1
20 for all the others.

There you go, Have fun.

J
- posted by J @ 10:13